When my mother left this earth I was by her side. It was three years ago today. (Sept 15th, 2014)
The feeling I had was indescribable at the time. Not being able to label the emotions that night in the Hospice room, set me on a path to emotional literacy and emotional intentionality.
Having the ability to recognize and deeply connect with my feelings was something I used to run away from. It was just easier to dwell on the surface and ignore the pain. Or so I thought.
Losing my Mother (and many other family members and friends), set me on a course to become more consciously aware. Eventually, the push turned into a pull, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
Sacred. Connection to the Divine. Pure love. Enlightenment.
These were the flood of emotions that surrounded us in the hospital bed the moments after her soul left her body. This statement may seem strange, but I wanted to feel more of that. Of course, without losing another person.
After diving into these feelings and their meanings, I set out to feel that way not fully knowing how but trusting that my ‘why’ was powerful enough to manifest what I desired.
It took some time and patience, and each day I intentionally made choices to feel sacred and create a connection with the Divine by doing Divine and sacred things. Often, it was a simple walk in the woods, a hug to a tree. Other times I went big, like going to visit St.Paul’s Cathedral in London, UK or swimming with Sea Turtles in Hawaii.
On this emotional intention journey, my favorite Author and Mentor, @daniellelaporte posted that she was gifted a sacrum bone for her birthday. I googled what it was and lo and behold – it is known as The Holy Bone, sacrum in Latin meaning sacred.
Without a clue as to how to find one, I threw it out there to the Universe that it would be cool to have a sacrum bone. And forgot about it.
Until 3 months or so later, I was in a sacred spot, doing a sacred meditation and prayer to my mom in the sunshine, and when I opened my eyes, on the ground before me was a bone. (In the pic). Tears fell down my cheeks in joy at manifesting something so quickly based on a feeling.
(Disclaimer – I have no idea if what I found is a sacrum bone, but it sure looks like one #closeenough)
Basking in my new miracle mindset, I asked my mom that day if she could leave me feathers to let me know she is still with me. I chose feathers simply because I like them.
You can see from the picture that she heard my request. Loud and clear. And that we are still clearly connected.
Visiting back home in Ontario, I found a handful of feathers by the tree where we spread her ashes. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with the exact emotions I was seeking – Divine connection, sacred and enlightenment.
Last week I was flyin’ solo to the hospital for a pre-op appointment and was feeling a little scared. I took a wrong turn trying to find the proper entrance, and ended up on the wrong side of the building, but in front of a large feather.
She was with me.
Even though I am still (somedays) rolling in the grief cycle of this loss, I feel blessed and grateful to have this connection. Anger does come up often. Anger that she was taken too soon and anger from some of our past left unhealed.
Anger, though, does not consume me. Most days the sacred Divine connection, pure love, and enlightenment consume me because that’s how I choose to feel.
Thank you to my family and friends for your kind messages and support today, and every day to keep me on a path of healing and feeling good.
Thank you to my mom for the feathers.